Show #437: Do people like you? Really?

Show #437: Do people like you? Really?

Your capability on the job is maybe half your opportunity. Being liked is the other half. And if you are not well-liked, you’ll lose opportunity to those who, technically, are inferior to you. Don’t let this happen. Zig talks to us today about the value of being liked, and literally gives us “10 Commandments of Human Relations!” Thanks to Salesforce for supporting this episode.

Show Notes:

Hey, everyone, this is Kevin Miller, your host of The Ziglar Show. Today, Zig hits us hard on the necessity of relationships. You know the old cliché’, it’s not what you know, but who you know? Well, today’s message is different. It’s not just knowing people, but…do they like you? The two points of today’s show is 1) how handicapped you are, even if you’re the best at what you do, and 2) if you think you have room to improve on the “like” scale. Zig literally gives 10 points on how to increase this.

Really quick, before we dive in with Zig today, I want to thank you so much for subscribing to the show and forwarding it on for others to subscribe. You’ve been sharing the show on Twitter, Facebook, and elsewhere; you’ve been leaving great reviews in iTunes and Stitcher, and it led to us being the #10 podcast in iTunes…overall. On the planet. Take your biggest celebrity who is at the top of their game today, who has a podcast, and The Ziglar Show was ahead of all but nine. You know what that says? People are hungry for this message of hope and inspiration and TRUE…Performance.

And, by the way, thanks to so many recent iTunes reviews that specifically give thanks to Zig’s son, Tom Ziglar, and me, who host these shows and bring our own voices to the table. There are negative reviews once in a while from a few people who have said they just want Zig, not anything else. For those folks, I’d encourage you to go buy Zig’s materials at We’d be thrilled to have you do that. This podcast, however, is here to bring you Zig, but as a priority, to bring you the best of today’s voices in inspiration and motivation and personal development and true performance! Which includes our guests, Tom Ziglar, and yours truly. I run this show, and was brought on by the Ziglar family to speak my own flavor of inspiration, which I proudly accepted.

OK, then, here is ten minutes of Zig on stage, talking the power…of relationships, and relating!

Before we break down the crux of today’s message so you can apply it to your life, I want to thank Salesforce for bringing today’s episode to you.

Many of the primary desires we have of life, to be prosperous, to be happy…are dependent on our daily work. I don’t know anyone who is truly joyful, successful, and who people respect and are attracted to, who does not also find fulfillment at work.

But next, Zig states that a, if not the, primary root that influences whether our job is good, is the relationships with the people we have there.

Zig says

Having, progressing in, and keeping the job we have depends on the relationships we have at work. People hire you and pay you, in part, of course, because of your competency, productivity, and results. But also because they…like you. I wanted to add “trust you,” but then didn’t. I think it’s important that Zig used to say, “because they LIKE you.” I’ve know people I trusted but didn’t like, and I wouldn’t hire or retain them. I’ve known people who were the best at their job, skill, and profession, but I didn’t hire them because I didn’t really like them.

There is too much competition out there in the marketplace to think you have to deal with someone you don’t like. And there are too many opportunities out there to take a job with people you don’t like.

Now, let’s take this time to discuss the issue of frustration, for those of you who have been passed up by those you believe are not as skilled as you, and not as trustworthy as you. And you’re disappointed, if not plain mad, that those charlatans are succeeding.

Folks, I’m sorry. In a way, it’s a shame, but it’s also humanity. It is a game, to a point. And if you don’t play it, you are handicapping yourself. Over a decade ago, I had a role as marketing consultant to a large bicycle parts manufacturer. The owner and founder is an incredible inventor. Truly incredible. And, at heart, a well-meaning guy, I believe. But he, I think he’d claim he was a purist. He was in it for the art and inventing and making a better product. He wasn’t in it for money or to play games. But he was routinely beaten out by lesser companies or products. And it made him mad. So much so that he had a chip on his shoulder about marketing. And he kept it hamstrung, which was a shame! He had a great story we could have used to make the brand #1; I really believe that. But he was mad at the game. He is, and forever will be, one of the best, but never the best.

Again, what a shame! Don’t let that be your story. Be excellent. Be trustworthy. But also, be likeable! It will give you so much more opportunity to provide your skill!

And, on another side, I’ve recently fired two employees who, in truth, had more experience, know-how, and expertise in their jobs than the people I hired in their places. But I hired people I liked much more, and that our customers like better. And, in a short time, we’ve gotten them training and experience and they are soon outpacing the previous employees. Everybody is happier! It’s a great workplace to come to, we encourage and inspire and lift each other up! We’re attracting more business, making more money, and creating excellence! You just can’t argue with or deny it.

So, to be likable, to have solid relationships…

Zig gives us 10 commandments of human relations. And, folks, this was the first time I heard this list from Zig. I greatly appreciate him saying “this isn’t new stuff.” Nothing new. But as you listen, I guarantee that you, like I, will hear some profound truths.

  1. Speak to people
  2. Smile at people
  3. Call people by name
  4. Be friendly and helpful to people
  5. Be cordial, speak and act as if everything you do is a pleasure
  6. Be genuinely interested in other people
  7. Be generous with your praise and be very careful with any criticism you might give
  8. Be considerate of the feelings of others
  9. Be alert to give service; what counts most in life is what we do for others
  10. Add to this a good sense of humor

Rewind and listen to those again. We’ll end this show by listing those again, and just making a little mention with each to help ensure you really understand them.

Zig says,

The best thing to do behind a person’s back is to pat it.

I must admit I struggle here some. I often find myself dealing with someone who is…very needy. Very. And not very cognizant of anyone else. After being with them, my very soul longs to vent and find comfort from a rational person. But venting that criticism does not bring life to anyone! Not the person whose back I am talking behind. Not me. And not my friend who I am venting to! Have you ever had someone vent criticism to you and it left you feeling inspired? Lifted? Encouraged?

Now, you may need…to vent. But at least know the score. At least know you are placing yourself in a place of need at the expense of others.

Zig says people want to be

  • Right
  • Appreciated
  • Understood

But, folks, what’s important here is that of course he’s speaking also about himself. And you and me. We want those things. But if we want to be liked, we have to have at least SOME times of not being the needy recipient, but being the giver, and shelving our own needs.

Watch yourself when you are with others and try to recognize the stance you take. Some people you will be more prone to give to. With some you will put yourself in a place of need. You can go into any group of people and listen for a moment, and discern those who are there who NEED from the group, and those that are secure and are willing to shelve their needs and give. Of course, you’ve got some in the mix who are neither, they are too insecure to engage, or too uncaring. But look for the first two…the needy and the giving.

Next, Zig goes into a good amount of story and analogy to prove we all…react primarily emotionally, not logically.

So, if we want to be liked, which improves our own success, we are dealing in an emotional realm! Which means when we are upset that we’re not liked, we think about how we:

  • Show up for work early
  • Stay late
  • Do our job-related tasks perfectly
  • Do the work to tidy up others’ shoddy jobs
  • Never steal from the company, not time or materials

I feel for you. I really do. But folks, there are products you purchase that are not proven the best. They are not proven the most reliable or cutting-edge or most innovative or longest-lasting. But you buy them because you…like them. Or you buy some products and specifically NOT others, because you don’t like them.

If you are doing all those things I just mentioned, being exemplary in your work, but you are NOT doing Zig’s list of ten things, you are missing it! And I understand you! I wish I could just earn my way into Heaven by doing the right things. It doesn’t work that way! The biggest commandment is to love others. Which, ultimately, is exactly what Zig is talking about here:

Let’s read the list again and make sure we understand these principles:

  1. Speak to people – simple enough, but how often do we not? Just recognize their presence! Don’t be fake or false, but there is a live, human being in your midst. Just say “Hello!” “Good morning!” Don’t say, “How ya’ doin’?” unless you are really asking. When you walk into work, be prepared. I don’t care if you’re an introvert like I am! I don’t care if it’s sometimes uncomfortable, I understand! Do it anyway. It’s for YOUR own good, as well as theirs. If at home by yourself you walk around in your underwear or PJs, don’t shave or shower sometimes, yet you shower and put pants on for work, put this in the same category. You wear pants, and you speak to people in your presence.
  2. Smile at people – folks, this is a lost art, yet worth its weight in gold. Would you hold the door open for a hobbling old lady carrying groceries behind you in the grocery store? Surely you would. It doesn’t mean you know her, like her, or will be given a trophy by anyone. Think of smiling the same way. Everyone needs and deserves a smile. And, in giving it, you earn reciprocity and your life will only become easier and better.
  3. Call people by name – you can claim you’re bad with names and suffer if you want. I’m bad with math, but I’m going to learn enough to not be a reprobate in society. Ask and remember names. When 60 seconds goes by and you realize you forgot, say, “I’m sorry, tell me your name again?” It’s ok, they forgot yours, too. In my work, I never leave my office without a pen and pad of sticky notes with the person’s name I’m leaving to meet, or I have it there to write their name down when I ask it.
  4. Be friendly and helpful to people – not sure what I can add to that…
  5. Be cordial, speak and act as if everything you do is a pleasure – a pleasure!! We’re in a culture of saying thanks and being responded to with “No problem.” Which means, by proxy, serving you COULD have been a problem. Don’t do that. Respond with “My pleasure!” “My honor!” “Absolutely!” I have many customers and clients who emphatically thank me as I’m doing them huge favors. Folks, they are paying me and my businesses. Paying a lot! It’s my JOB to serve them. But if you do it in a truly honoring and serving way, with great gratitude for their business, they’ll thank you like you were volunteering to help them!
  6. Be genuinely interested in other people – my oldest daughter struggles with this. She has problems within a given circumstance, she knows she is NOT genuinely interested in those she is with or around, and feels it’s false to pretend. So…should you fake it? Is that wrong in being disingenuous? God’s greatest commandment is to love others, right? That is not a feeling. I love my wife and kids with true feeling and commitment. I don’t love ANYONE else that way. But I can love others by making the effort to care. To recognize. To serve them in the moment, ahead of myself.
  7. Be generous with your praise and be very careful with any criticism you might give – how many times were you praised…today? In this past week? And how much did you praise others? Not including your kids. If you are around others, you have the chance to be generous with your praise. The grocery bagger at the grocery store who is simply doing the job they are paid to do…that your money to buy groceries pays for…is worthy of praise. They stood there and bagged your groceries. I often feel guilty, especially when it’s someone I know I’m physically far more capable than. I feel almost arrogant to stand there and let them bag MY food. So, why not say, “Thank you SO much!”
  8. Be considerate of the feelings of others – not cognizant of, but actually give consideration. This may be the hardest, but as with all of these, it’s just an action and habit. Not to polarize or dismiss or condemn. Often, it won’t matter. You have nothing invested in how they feel, it won’t matter to your life. So why not just say, “Oh, wow, that makes sense.” “I can understand that.” “I’m so sorry!”
  9. Be alert to give service. What counts most in life is what we do for others – looking for opportunities to help.
  10. Add to this a good sense of humor.