Today we’re going to listen to Zig school us on relationships – and why he says they are the key to health and happiness.
Then I am going to dive in and get the marrow out of the major points Zig leads us in.
Ok, friends, let’s now hear from the Father of Inspiration himself, Zig Ziglar, on relationships, and why he states they are the key to health and happiness. And what you want to know is…how can you attain this health?
> Listen to the entire show right here!
So Zig leads off simply asking, “How important are relationships?” and says love and intimacy are at the root of
- what makes us sick or well
- What makes sadness or happiness
- What makes us suffer from what leads to healing
People who feel lonely and isolated have a 3-500% better risk of premature death from physical illness
Your relationships are more important to your health than your exercise program and your diet. And your genes.
He shared that almost 100% of counseling is due to relational difficulties between
Husband/Wife
Parent/Child
Teacher/Student
Employer/Employee
Neighbor/Neighbor
Sibling/Sibling
Folks, listen in very, very closely. I’m asking you, right where you are, right now, do you have any
Sickness
Illness
Discomfort
Sadness
Aspects of depression
Anger
Despair
Ongoing feeling of depression
I’m asking you…how are your relationships? And don’t just go to whether you have any bad or negative or toxic relationships. I mean, if you do…that’s an obvious issue here.
But what if you just have some relationships that are…unstable? They cause you some anxiety.
Or do you just not have any deep, meaningful relationships?
Or maybe just not many relationships at all?
You must realize the powerful influence these relational circumstances have in your life.
I have some intense experience with this, folks. One of my close friends -- he got married at my house a few years ago -- has a dramatic story of overcoming. He was an inspired, active guy who, over time became nearly bedridden. It took long, in-depth counseling and investigation to uncover…nothing was physically wrong with him. He was, in his words, experiencing “the physical manifestation of emotional pain.” It stemmed from his childhood and a harmful relationship with his parents. It took years to manifest.
Today he is one of the most successful, prolific life coaches I’ve ever known. You can hear yourself…go to jonathanpool.net. Click on About Me and then listen to his story, this story. It will rock your world. I just listened to him again. And I will have him on this show.
Next, as you often hear me refer to, I’m heavily involved in an alternative healthcare initiative. One you’ll hear about when the platform is ready.
What Zig says is absolutely, unequivocally true. Sick, ill, diseased people. Handicapped people. People lacking enthusiasm, inspiration, and hope.
How often is a primary cause, the primary cause…relational pain and unhealthy? It’s unbelievable. And a main reason medication is a trillion-dollar industry.
Again, if you are not in perfect health, wellness, peace and joy, which none of us are, we need to audit the healthy, unhealthy and/or lack of relational success in our lives.
Your friends, your coworkers, your spouse, your significant other, your kids, your extended family, your neighbor. It affects your mind, your mood, and trickles down from there.
My wife had ulcerative colitis due to relational pain. I made my physiological health pursuits and disciplines near perfect, yet still suffered from intestinal and digestive disorders, to finally find out it was anxiety, much to do with my bottled up feelings. I thought health was never, ever sharing a negative feeling. This doesn’t work in relationships.
Folks, we’re going to continue digging into some of these aspects. But that’s food for thought right now!
And it’s why Zig stated over and over in this clip, “Relationships are extremely important.”
He said, “If we can build winning relationships, then we will have taken a huge step toward true success in life.”
So, what’s at the root of relational problems? Generally, as Zig cited…self-centeredness.
In the Bible, Moses -- in Numbers 12:3, it says, “Now the man Moses was very humble—more than any person on earth.” Interestingly, the author of Numbers is…Moses. Which is interesting.
But, to my point, if I had a chapter in the Bible it would say I was the most NON-self-centered person on the earth. To a great degree, I viewed myself this way. I asked others about themselves and refrained from talking about myself. I made sure I out-served everyone. Always. In every situation. Ultimately, I came to feel I was responsible for everyone’s well-being. Which meant I viewed myself as…God. Further, why did I act like I did? Because I wanted to be liked, loved, revered. And I wanted everyone else happy because I couldn’t handle unhappiness. Sadness.
This was a significant factor in the near demise of my family. And the sabotaging of other intimate relationships.
And it showcased the truth of my dramatic…self-centeredness.
The result? It’s what Zig said. “You’ll never see a happy, self-centered person.” I was driven. I was ambitious. I was passionate. But…not happy. I lived a life of more burden than true joy. And, truth be told, this is a battle for me. Today.
So again, another issue to audit in your life. How self-centered are you? How much do your actions point back to feeding your own need? Do you really serve out of care for others? Or out of a need to feed your own hungry dogs?
The truth could be at the core of your health.
Next, Zig cited a counselor who said 80% of his counseling was a direct result of the parents not teaching…manners.
Manners is a very old-fashioned term. So let’s put it in modern terms. RESPECT. Don’t think of manners as prim and proper, shallow acting.
Think of it here as caring about others’ feelings and beliefs and boundaries. Respect.
When I’m driving down the pass from our house to town on snowy roads, and just talking and enjoying the scenery and my wife finally gasps in fear…I have to step down from my immediate anger. I think she doesn’t trust my skill and care for our family. I wouldn’t endanger them! I’m in total control. I’m already going a good bit slower than I would be if she weren’t in the car.
But that has nothing to do with the car going at a certain velocity around corners on obviously compromised roads that she is just flat out scared of because she’s a lesser-experienced driver. It has nothing to do with me, it’s her personal feelings, and they’d be the same if Mario Andretti were driving. She doesn’t care who is driving, she is in discomfort. The same way I’d be in an open-seated plane that was flown upside down, even if it were flown by Orville Wright.
So, out of respect for her, I drive slower. Manners.
Zig says manners is saying thank you, and thank you is the building block of gratitude. He adds that without gratitude, you get an ungrateful child, and a happy, ungrateful person doesn’t exist.
I have seven kids. I know this as an absolute…fact. I’ve seen and experienced both sides.
We’re ultimately brought to Zig’s bedrock statement for life:
“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”
I’m going to wrap us up on a final point.
Zig charges us to build our lives on integrity.
He tells the story of Fire, Water and Trust in a village and headed for the forest. “How will we find you?” they are all asked. And the punchline is…” You had better keep an eye on Trust, because once trust is lost, it’s awfully hard to get it back.”
My dearest friend Scott Stearman, one of today’s most accomplished sculptors…If you have seen sculptures in faith-based and military establishments, there’s a great chance they were his.
After a personal encounter with yet another person lacking integrity, he vented to me one day. He climbed up on a solid…soapbox, and said, “Never, ever, ever, ever, ever…burn a bridge.”
Folks, I’m an admitted people-pleaser. I have a PHD in People Pleasedness. I never burn a bridge, but sometimes I’ve used that to let myself be a pushover and a doormat that gets walked all over.
- I’ve had to learn…I am learning…to have some boundaries. And say no. And hold a line. But…to try to the best of my abilities to do it out of care and humility and love…and keep the bridge intact.
- It’s not about “rights” or “justice.” Throw that out the window. Especially those of you who claim to follow Jesus Christ. Do you know I work with a medical clinic, and the staff has had the worst experiences, overall, with Christians? They’ve had a few of the brightest, but the worst are from the group overall.
- Tom Rath talked in his book Fully Charged about the absolutely crippling power of negative interactions. It’s not worth it, folks.
Trust doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from messing up, but ‘fessing up. Asking forgiveness. Being humble. And, mostly, from authentically, actionably, loving and caring for someone.
You can do this when you have gratitude.
You can say no to what harms you. But as Scott says…never, ever, ever, ever…burn a bridge. It’s not worth it. And being the bigger person has ripple effects. It will come back to bless you.