June 29, 2010 Edition #26
Zig On…A Philosophy To Live By
By Zig Ziglar
Wisdom goes back a long way and comes in the form of examples, illustrations, stories, cliches, parables, etc. One of the oldest bits of philosophy says that “for want of a nail a shoe was lost, for want of a shoe a horse was lost, for want of a horse a rider was lost, for want of a rider a leader was lost, for want of a leader a battle was lost, for want of a victory a war was lost, for want of a plan a nation was lost.”
One variation of that could well be in the form of some ancient Chinese philosophies which are frequently rich in wisdom and truth and, regardless of their age, many of them are as applicable today as they have ever been. They frequently carry truths that apply to people and nations, regardless of the century in which we’re living. One of those gems is this one: “If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be duty in the character. If there is duty in the character, there will be harmony in the home. If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation. When there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world.”
This philosophy is both “simple” and “profound.” “Simple” is “not complex or complicated, as a machine of simple construction.” I believe you will agree that most of us appreciate some things that are simple and easy to understand, such as truth and integrity. The word “profound” is “deep, descending, or being far below the surface, not superficial.” Profound also means humble, as a profound reverence for the Supreme Being. That certainly gives us something to think about, doesn’t it? So, think about it and I’ll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!
Zig Ziglar is known as America’s motivator. He is the author of 29 books and numerous audio and video recordings. He brings his message of hope to thousands on the stages at the Get Motivated Seminars. See him in action!
Quote
If we don’t start, it’s certain we can’t arrive. ~Zig Ziglar
Stop Building Rapport and Start Connecting
by Jeb Blount
The Merriam-Webster dictionary online defines rapport as relation marked by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity. According to Wikipedia,
Rapport is one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is commonality of perspective: being “in sync” with, or being “on the same wavelength” as the person with whom you are talking. There are a number of techniques that are supposed to be beneficial in building rapport such as: matching your body language (i.e., posture, gesture, and so forth); maintaining eye contact; and matching breathing rhythm. Some of these techniques are explored in neuro-linguistic programming.
Rapport is a popular and ubiquitous concept in sales. A module on rapport is included in virtually every sales and leadership training course. You’ll find chapters on rapport in almost every sales book. Many thousands of books and seminars are dedicated exclusively to the concept of rapport. A search on Google for how to build rapport yields a million or so returns. Despite all of this, rapport is among the most misunderstood and misapplied concepts in business. Ask 10 salespeople to explain rapport and you’ll get 10 different answers. Few people really understand the concept of rapport.
Rapport is essentially being in sync with another person to the extent that you are able to influence their behavior. The rapport building process is designed to develop common ground with another person through mirroring and matching body language, voice tone and speed, word patterns, eye movement, and even breathing. In time, according to the experts, when you truly have rapport with another, you have the ability to lead them and change their behavior patterns. A process called neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), which embodies these techniques, including word-pattern matching, eye movement, facial expressions and more, is espoused by many rapport experts as the real key to relationships and influence.
The problem with rapport is that it is just too hard and complex to get into sync with someone enough to influence their behaviors. I’m not saying it is impossible for those willing to dedicate themselves to years of practice to become competent in NLP techniques. However, the reality is, despite promises from experts, these techniques are far too complicated for normal people. Few business professionals have the time or inclination to become experts in deciphering word patterns, eye movements, and facial expressions. Learning to effectively and discretely mirror and match people based on their communication style—audio, visual or kinesthetic— sounds really cool in a seminar, but it rarely succeeds consistently in real world business situations with real people.
This doesn’t mean that finding common ground is a bad thing. Far from it. The more we have in common with others, the easier it is for them to like us. If you find common ground, use it to your advantage to connect with the other person. The dilemma is that the quest for common ground in the guise of rapport building is often awkward, cheesy, and manipulative. Making matters worse are the legions of salespeople who mistake small talk at the beginning of a sales call as rapport building. Taking their cue from misinformed sales trainers, they’ll make dumb comments about some random object in their prospect’s office as if that is enough to initiate a relationship. Far too many salespeople just go through the motions to check Build Rapport off their sales process list so they can get down to selling.
Buyers are not fooled. They find these lame attempts at rapport building gratuitous and insincere. Over time, they become numb to rapport-building efforts. Some think it is funny. I have a friend who is a buyer for a manufacturing company. He has the ugliest picture in his office you have ever seen. He keeps it there for one reason: to watch salespeople humiliate themselves by asking him questions about the picture in an attempt to build rapport. If you want people to buy you, forget about rapport. Remove the word from your vocabulary. Instead, focus on connecting.
The Real Secret Is Connecting
There is a quote from Abraham Lincoln that aptly sums up why rapport as a strategy fails. Lincoln said, “If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.” Rapport is designed not to develop trusting relationships, but rather to influence behavior. Rapport in its purest form is manipulative. People who feel manipulated will be distrustful of your motivations, no matter how pure, and will never feel connected to you. Connecting, on the other hand, is designed to win others over through a focus on their needs. The most effective strategy for winning others over (convincing them that you are their friend) is to start and end by helping them get what they want.
The most insatiable human desire, our deepest craving, is the desire to feel valued, appreciated, and important. The key to connecting and winning others over is, therefore, extremely simple: make them feel important. The real secret to making others feel important is something you have at your disposal right now. It’s listening. Listening is powerful. Quite simply, the more you listen, the more connected others will feel to you. When you listen, you make people feel important, respected, and heard.
Unfortunately, no one is really listening. I realize that is a harsh and general indictment of virtually everyone, but it is true. Why? Because we would rather think about and talk about ourselves, our wants and needs, our accomplishments, and our problems. This is easy to observe. Just go to a networking event, business meeting, or sales call. If people aren’t talking over each other in their eagerness to express their own self-important point of view, they are waiting impatiently for the other person to stop talking so they can start. The vast majority of people, especially salespeople, never make the effort to sincerely listen to others. People don’t like to listen because listening doesn’t make them feel important. Much of the time when they are not talking they are thinking about what they are going to say next, feeling, as most of us do, superior to those around them. Trust me, you are your own favorite person. It is not your fault; it is part of being human, but it is a fact and it is a roadblock to building connections with others—especially in business.
There is real power in understanding this concept and using it to your advantage to build connections. The desire to feel important, valued, and appreciated is more insatiable than any other human craving. Just like you, when people talk about themselves and someone listens, it makes them feel important. Although truly listening to another person requires self-discipline, selflessness, practice and patience, it is not complicated or complex. That is the beauty of connecting. Unlike the complexity of rapport, connecting requires only that you listen to your prospect, customer, client, boss, or peer.
Jeb Blount is the CEO of SalesGravy.com, the most visited sales website on the Internet. A respected thought leader on sales and sales leadership, he is author of three books, People Buy You: The Real Secret to what Matters Most in Business, Sales Guy’s 7 Rules for Outselling the Recession, and Power Principles. He is the author of more than 100 articles on sales and sales leadership and the host of the top rated Sales Guy Podcast. When you buy Jeb’s new book, People Buy You, today, you’ll also receive thousands of dollars’ worth of bonus gifts from sales growth leaders – learn more at www.PeopleBuyYou.com.
Success 2.0
Self-Employment Exposed
Presented by Kevin Miller
July 8, 2010 7:00 pm CDT
You can attend for FREE!
Ziglar Recommends
How Master Persuaders Get What They Want
Is it money, education, talent or experience? Is it their reputation, size of their network, or the number of people who follow them on Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter? Is it job title? How about product, price, marketing collateral, or brand awareness? Or maybe it is their investment in the latest technology or gadgets?
Answer: None of the above!
The secrets of master persuaders cannot be found on this list, your resume, or in any of your company’s marketing brochures.
If you want to know the REAL secret to what matters most in business, just look in the mirror. That’s right, it’s YOU. Do all of these other things matter? Of course they do, but when all things are equal (and in today’s competitive world, things almost always are), PEOPLE BUY YOU.
Word of the Week
Favonian
“fuh-‘voh-nee-uhn”
Adjective
Pertaining to the west wind; soft; mild; gentle.
As God said to Adam on one of those favonian edenic days, “Pick a bone, any bone.”
– Norah Labiner, Our Sometime Sister
Zingers
By Croft Pentz
One need not be smart to say things that are.
An ignorant person is the one who doesn’t know something you learned yesterday.
Wouldn’t it be nice to be as sure of anything as some people are of everything?
Education is not given for the purpose of earning a living; it is learning what to do with a living after you earn it.
Broad-minded: capable of seeing both points—the wrong one and his own.
This newsletter is published by Ziglar, Inc. Ziglar.com